Creativity flows from our core. It is a natural innerspring. Sometimes though, it feels like there’s nothing inside of us. We may feel like a barren wasteland. It is my belief that we all have an inner climate that we must get curious about. If we can familiarise ourselves with our own nature, we are in an empowered position when destructive extreme conditions take hold.
Some potentially disastrous inner turmoil I work to relieve include:
Floods of Sadness
Sadness for the things I never had comes up for me during the holidays. People are happily exchanging presents with friends and family they’ve known for their whole lives. Here I am, an alien away from home and pretty much estranged from a family due to severed ties and unacknowledged intergenerational trauma. People in my family don’t converse easily. They don’t easily laugh.
In that, there’s a gift. If I breathe into the floods, I can part the waters to see the way. I know trauma, I’ve looked it in the eye, and others may have it (we are all traumatised these days) and be quite unaware of it, allowing it to disrupt their lives in subtle ways. They might set up conditions within themselves that might bring a little stagnation to the natural flow of an event. I notice that. It is the gift of sensitivity and trauma that I possess. However, sometimes I’m not mature enough to stay out of other people’s weather conditions. That’s a whole other story.
Cyclone of Confusion
Some days too much information is thrown at me from all directions. I need to allow myself stillness to get clear on what I must do (if anything). Recently, I sensed my daughter was caught in a cyclone and she was struggling to make sense of everything that was going on in school (not just the learning material but all the birthday parties, social functions, changing dynamics, moving into first grade) so we had a day of peace at the beach on Friday.
What an incredible learning experience!
Anxiety is heart tremors as I step up and enter new and unknown territory with birthday parties and hosting our first party with kids from school. It’s all so new and exciting! Excitement makes our heart beat the same as anxiety, I’m told. I believe this. I focus on an anchor like having a magical faerie at my daughter’s party. I love faeries and I still sense their presence around me (spirits of the earth) and I will enjoy a day where we are all off with the faeries with our good friend Laura of Fairy La La Land.
Anger is red-hot and intense. It can spread like wildfire. Underneath anger there’s so much more like pain, hurt or shame just to name a few. When I feel the flames of anger rise up within me, I know it was sparked by envy. I’ve developed a nature that wants what others have. This is probably because I was never appreciated for my innate gifts which I should be grateful for. As an adult, I understand this dynamic that was set up for me and if I step away at the first sign of inflammation, I can recover quickly.
Drinking water, or carrying around tea or coffee helps.
When people are worried or anxious and throwing around all sorts of speculations as to what might happen in the future, I get bogged down and my vision of myself and purpose gets foggy.
Meditation helps me clear my head. Spending time by myself in a silent, dark place is also very helpful. If I’m in a meeting and I’m bored and I can feel myself going cross-eyed, chewing gum or running for coffee or a bathroom break works a treat.
Have you ever experienced wanting to have a heart-to-heart with someone only for the other person to be closed off to it? That makes me feel like Anna from “Frozen” trying to engage Elsa in building a snowman.
All I can do in that situation is have a cuppa by myself, or a hot chocolate, and thaw out.
Hypervigilance when I don’t need to be on high alert sometimes happens to me. I’m not sure what triggers it and it may be that I should ease off caffeine. When I feel I’ve brought more energy than necessary to a situation, I may back off by grabbing a cup of water and chill out for a bit.
And…There are Rainbows too
And when people arrive at any gathering certain of their innate gifts, free to show their true colours, oh man, it’s like that magical place over the rainbow and I feel as fortunate as a leprechaun with a pot of gold. This kinda stuff happens too. I’m very lucky.
Over to you…
What’s in your disaster recovery kit? Let me know, Eda@WritePublishGrow.com